Sleep Training a Puppy: It’s Just Like Having a Baby, Minus the Diapers

Welcome back to the No Bone Zone, where the coffee is strong, the dogs are louder than alarm clocks, and no one’s slept through the night since adoption day.

If you’re currently Googling “why won’t my puppy sleep?” at 2 a.m. while whisper-yelling “please just lie down”, congratulations — you’re officially in the puppy parent club.
And if you thought this would be easier than a newborn… oh, sweet summer child.

Here’s why puppy sleep training feels exactly like parenting a baby — but somehow furrier and smellier.

💤 1. You’ll Develop a Sixth Sense for Whimpering

You’ll bolt awake at the faintest squeak, convinced something catastrophic happened. Nope — it’s just your puppy readjusting in their crate. You’re basically on night watch for a creature that sleeps 18 hours a day and still manages to exhaust you.

🐾 2. There’s a “Witching Hour”

That 9 p.m. zoomie burst? It’s the canine version of a toddler meltdown before bedtime. Suddenly your living room becomes The Fast and the Furriest, and your throw pillows are collateral damage.

🦴 3. Crate Training Is the Crib Transition of Dog Parenthood

You’ll swear you’re doing the right thing by encouraging independence… right up until the guilt hits after two minutes of crying. Stay strong. Crate = safe space, not punishment.

☕ 4. Coffee Becomes a Food Group

You’ll function on caffeine and adrenaline for weeks. You’ll also begin referring to 6 a.m. as “late.” Don’t worry — it gets better once your dog learns that barking at shadows isn’t an Olympic sport.

🧸 5. Comfort Objects Save Lives

Babies have blankies. Puppies have squeaky toys that look like roadkill. Same concept, same sanity-saving magic.

🚫 6. Sleep Regression Is Real (and Cruel)

Just when you think you’ve nailed the schedule, they’ll hit a growth spurt or teething phase and forget everything. Hang in there. You’ll both survive — probably.

🌙 7. You’ll Start Doing Weird Things at 3 a.m.

Like singing lullabies to a golden retriever. Or whispering, “please love your crate.” Don’t judge yourself. Sleep deprivation is a shared experience among all parents, human or otherwise.

❤️ 8. You’ll Miss These Days (Eventually)

One day, your puppy will sleep soundly through the night, and you’ll scroll old photos of them curled in a too-big crate, missing the chaos you swore you hated.

🐕 Final Thoughts

Sleep training a puppy is a test of endurance, patience, and your relationship with your neighbors. But just like with babies, every sleepless night leads to a happier, more confident little one — and one day, you’ll even laugh about it.

Until then, may your coffee be strong, your crate cozy, and your puppy merciful.